Could You Be Any Ruder, Commuter?

Days like Patriot's Day, aka Marathon Monday, in Boston remind me of why I think there should be an etiquette handbook printed on the back of subway cards and tickets, or a crash course in politeness before you can enter a train station. Most YoPros have to take some form of public transportation in order to get to and from work each day, and the bozos we're forced to ride with daily are bad enough. When you multiply that with a Red Sox game and the Boston Marathon, you have a regular idiot convention trapped in Park Street station. This problem isn't confined to Boston, and exists in DC, New York City, and in other cities. For those of you moving to the big city when you graduate or for those who drive to work but catch the subway to see the occasional sports game, here are the 10 Commandments of Public Transportation:

1. It's called public transportation because its public, i.e. you are not the only one riding. Acknowledge your fellow riders and extend them the same courtesy that you would like to receive.
2. Wait for people to get off the train before you get on. It's the simplest concept in the world. (Boston is the WORST at this.)
3. Move to the middle of the train or the back of the bus. When you see that 10 more people need to get on, sitting there thinking "Wow, that sucks that they can't get on" and then not moving means that you will and should be one of the people who can't get on a crowded train the next time and are 30 minutes late to wherever you're going.
4. Move out of the way when people are trying to get off. I hate the people who put a stake in the ground declaring "This spot claimed by Stacey" and refuse to move into the train or temporarily onto the platform near the door so that large groups of people can get off.
5. Wrapping yourself around the pole is a crime that should be punishable by death. Are you a stripper? No. Are you a firefighter? No. Then there is no reason that you need to take up of all of the real estate on the pole that other people need to hold on to so they don't subway surf to the back of the car. Read David Sedaris's Me Talk Pretty One Day. He has an amazing chapter about hanging on the pole in the Paris Metro system that is literary gold.
6. Also from David Sedaris: Don't assume I can't hear or understand your conversation. He references an obnoxious Texas couple visiting Paris who talk at an ear-piercing volume and assume that no French riders can understand English. The couple proceeds to pinpoint Sedaris as a pickpocket and criticize the French stench because they don't shower. We can all hear your conversation, whether its the person next to you or your phone call, and if you wouldn't tell those stories to your boss or your mom, you can safely assume I don't want to know either. Keep it down or keep it to yourself. If you don't, I will personally encourage that pickpocket to snatch your smart phone when the doors open at the next stop.
7. Headphones are designed for you to listen to your crappy music without anyone hearing or judging you. If I can hear your music, it's too loud. If you can't hear me when I ask you to turn it down, also too loud. For you folks who don't have the decency to use headphones, FYI: your ringtone downloads are not a substitute for iTunes. Please don't put them on shuffle or let your phone ring the whole way through to hear the song.
8. Keep your elbows to yourself. I want no part of your racecar game on your iPhone that you need to tilt the screen for, nor do I need to reread the free subway newspaper this morning. There's a Dove soap commercial that used to say people need three feet of space to be truly comfortable, and you're already encroaching on two of those feet. Leave me the one.
9. If you stop mid-stride in the middle of the platform to look for signs and don't move to the side, a) You're an inconsiderate idiot and b) You deserve to be mowed down. My commute has no mercy.
10. And finally, give your seat to people who need it more than you, especially YoPros. You have young legs: use them. There is no excuse for not getting up for an elderly person, a pregnant woman, or a family with a young child.